You were the rot that set
in at the bottom of my soul
The last dregs in my tea cup which
caught on the back of my throat
because I still wanted you
I drank you up like you were good
for me but of course you weren't
broke me slowly and bruised me where I was already bruised
Gentle hands pretend to sooth, secret satisfaction in their eyes
They knew you would, told me you would
---------------------
Have taken to writing shitty little poems that rhyme and don't. Hahaha sorry am just passing my time and testing the waters. Seems a little too cold for a swim, I'd think. Sigh, I can't wait to be done with Os. Speaking of, you know why it's called O Levels? It's because this whole examination thing is a hole, like a gigantic black hole, sucking everything - your time your energy your passion - everything! into it. And as it does so, you get more and more worn out as you desperately try to grasp at whatever you have, only to feel it all slipping away between your fingers......... and this big black O only looms bigger and bigger and bigger until it finally consumes your whole vision and mind and sucks that in as well. I can only console myself with reminders that it'll only be four more months, four more months and then I am f r e e.
Sometimes I get really lost in my head because I don't know what I should do. School is saying to study eighteen fucking hours a day, use all those little pockets of time wisely and shit. I wish I would do that. I know effort is important. I want to do well, get less than ten points, six if somehow God allows it so, but I have barely any intention of going to a junior college. What I want, am convinced I want, is to go to art school. Laselle. Perhaps NAFA even though I hate their school logo crest thing with a passion. And what is scaring me so is that so much of my time has been forced into doing school work and revision and being unhappy at this O Levels stench hanging over my head, that I am not really at liberty to be sitting down and doing art.
What do I do now, if I need to be building on my skills and practicing and coming up with a portfolio to impress the judges at the entry interview? I wouldn't say I am that good an artist, but I want to be better. I want to learn art in a class, have all my education revolve around it, finally be so excited at the things I am taught and bid farewell to the sandman who sits under my desk in school now. I want to be passionate about my learning. I want to feel the wonder and gratitude as a teacher enlightens me with knowledge I am glad to be given the opportunity to receive. I want to struggle and feel pressurised to do my best in something I love. I don't want to look back on my teenage years, which are inevitably consumed by learning, with distaste. I want it all to be worthwhile. Please, just let this all be worthwhile.
Local Natives' Sun Hands. If you have the time, watch this as well: http://youtu.be/6hhE_sqJG3g. It is their Take Away Show in France for La Blogotheque, which films the most beautiful acoustic performances by the most beautiful musicians ever.
in at the bottom of my soul
The last dregs in my tea cup which
caught on the back of my throat
because I still wanted you
I drank you up like you were good
for me but of course you weren't
broke me slowly and bruised me where I was already bruised
Gentle hands pretend to sooth, secret satisfaction in their eyes
They knew you would, told me you would
---------------------
Have taken to writing shitty little poems that rhyme and don't. Hahaha sorry am just passing my time and testing the waters. Seems a little too cold for a swim, I'd think. Sigh, I can't wait to be done with Os. Speaking of, you know why it's called O Levels? It's because this whole examination thing is a hole, like a gigantic black hole, sucking everything - your time your energy your passion - everything! into it. And as it does so, you get more and more worn out as you desperately try to grasp at whatever you have, only to feel it all slipping away between your fingers......... and this big black O only looms bigger and bigger and bigger until it finally consumes your whole vision and mind and sucks that in as well. I can only console myself with reminders that it'll only be four more months, four more months and then I am f r e e.
Sometimes I get really lost in my head because I don't know what I should do. School is saying to study eighteen fucking hours a day, use all those little pockets of time wisely and shit. I wish I would do that. I know effort is important. I want to do well, get less than ten points, six if somehow God allows it so, but I have barely any intention of going to a junior college. What I want, am convinced I want, is to go to art school. Laselle. Perhaps NAFA even though I hate their school logo crest thing with a passion. And what is scaring me so is that so much of my time has been forced into doing school work and revision and being unhappy at this O Levels stench hanging over my head, that I am not really at liberty to be sitting down and doing art.
What do I do now, if I need to be building on my skills and practicing and coming up with a portfolio to impress the judges at the entry interview? I wouldn't say I am that good an artist, but I want to be better. I want to learn art in a class, have all my education revolve around it, finally be so excited at the things I am taught and bid farewell to the sandman who sits under my desk in school now. I want to be passionate about my learning. I want to feel the wonder and gratitude as a teacher enlightens me with knowledge I am glad to be given the opportunity to receive. I want to struggle and feel pressurised to do my best in something I love. I don't want to look back on my teenage years, which are inevitably consumed by learning, with distaste. I want it all to be worthwhile. Please, just let this all be worthwhile.
Local Natives' Sun Hands. If you have the time, watch this as well: http://youtu.be/6hhE_sqJG3g. It is their Take Away Show in France for La Blogotheque, which films the most beautiful acoustic performances by the most beautiful musicians ever.
On a real life note, I am going to get new glasses tomorrow. My mother threw my Edna Mode pair away by accident last week.
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