Light Up Lighten Up

Eid arrived today (or yesterday, rather) and there is a sort of peace in my soul. I didn't visit any houses today, but I did go to see my mother at the hospital. There was a girl there - another patient from the ward. I couldn't tell how old she was but she was very beautiful. Her name is Nurul. I'm not sure what happened to her. She couldn't seem to remember herself. She wore no expression and was barely there at all, but when she was, she talked in a husky, child-like whisper, and moved with an elegant sluggishness. I liked watching her. No one visited her for raya today and she came to sit with us in her quietness and try some of the raya food we brought for my mother. You could see, however expressionless she was, that she was grateful. I felt quite sad.

I wonder what it must be like to be considered 'crazy' or mentally unsound. Do you feel insecure, angry and ostracized or are you just completely oblivious and unfazed? Or is it a gradual transition as you learn to accept it over time? Does logic exist when you're mad? I cannot imagine thinking in a way that is different from the way I've always thought. I can visualize myself as a crazed woman, screaming, talking to myself  and all the things I should typically do as a mad person but I can't imagine what my thoughts would be like. Would I be really confused or would I just see the world completely differently? Is it a sudden switch?

Hmm, the Lykke Li show is in 3 weeks. I can barely wait but I know that time will pass quickly and soon Soufi, Nooranah, Nidia, me and the rest of the beautiful people in the sold-out concert hall will be dance dance dancing to amazing music :') And in the front row too!!! Soufi is my hippie soulmate. We're gonna dress like hippies (though maybe more relevant 21st century sort than the typical 60s) on that day and buy a big bunch of white (if possible) daisies and give them out to fellow Lykke Li lovers, and of course our bb herself :-) I am excited.

I have loved Lykke Li since I was 12 and have always harbored a very strong hope for her to perform in Singapore even though I used to think it unlikely. But now she is really coming and I am so, so thankful. Sometimes I am not sure if I am dreaming. I want to hear the sorrow and the fragile emotion of Time Flies live. I want to see her moving to Dance Dance Dance in her strange but infectious brand of dancing, right in front of me. I want to go crazy for Little Bit and feel the energy of I Follow Rivers reverberating in my chest hollow. I want to watch her sing into her megaphone for I'm Good I'm Gone!!!!! Sigh. This is real, right? I'm not kidding myself? Because I am so happy. I really am. And if I were to wake up tomorrow to realise that this is all a dream or that I am actually insane and delusional, I will need a very, very big cleaver.