I feel like I've lost or skimmed over a day somewhere this week. Like I opened sleep-crusted eyes to afternoon light after falling asleep at 6 a.m., tried to slip back for another hour of rest, but only awoke 17 hours later the following morning to the dripping of a leaky air-con. I keep thinking it's only Wednesday and am confused every time I remember it is not. It is Thursday afternoon and soon I will have to get dressed for a night shift at work. I'll come home from that feeling heavy and lethargic, but I'll stay up until 4 a.m. watching movies or reading or whatever, with Interpol or Joy Division for company. I'll fall asleep in my jeans and contact lenses and unwashed face. Pens and notebooks and nonsense loose leaf lists on my mattress leave just enough space for me to spend the night curled up in fetal position in the one free corner of my bed. I'll probably wake up at 1 the next afternoon, feeling icky, hating myself for not washing my face and still holding the pen I was writing with last night.
I am tired of this routine.
On Tuesday I finally saw Syadza again and we went for prata and a bit of walking around at Arab Street before we took a bus to Bras Basah Complex because I was too tired to walk. We spent a long time stationery shopping, just like in secondary school, and then we scoured the second-hand bookstores for cheaper reads. I found six books for $40 and have finished two of them - Slowness by Milan Kundera and Lucky by Alice Sebold. I feel happier with all this reading I've been doing. It's an escape from real things. I also feel less stupid/lazy/like a snail is eating my brain.
I want school to start so that I can feel like I am working towards something. I honestly can't wait to be learning new things again. I don't like this limbo between the end of secondary and start of tertiary education that I've been stuck in for nearly seven months. It's stagnant and uncomfortable and I am growing very weary.
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